Moments of You
by AQ40
Summary: "I'm sad and I'm on the edge of the living. It doesn't make it any better that you're on my mind, yet still..." A female Death Knight is on the brink of death from an anonymous battle. Not wanting to leave bitter with empty thoughts, she fills her deteriorating mind with a lost love, Koltira Deathweaver. EXTREMELY SAPPY, but just a little bit of gore. Rated K just to be safe.
1. Prologue - Before the Fall

'Hey, Tira, it's funny isn't it when you're about to die?

You will look at the others who had already fallen and remember your first death before you'd come back as a Death Knight, and think that it would be simple like the rest.

You should know, because you might already be buried somewhere. But looking back on it now, I don't think that they or you thought of it as simple, with my own situation at hand.

Life has taught me the good graces of ups, and the restless tumbles of downs, I was really glad that I had lived up to this much. What they say is true, you really don't realize the joy of being in love until you're actually three-quarters into it. I'm still wrapped up in my own selfish world with you right now, even though you're gone to Lich-King-knows-where. I really miss you.

It hurts, incredibly. It is unfair, too. How you've left without so much as a goodbye to me and leaving me to die out here. I guess it can't be helped, death is inevitable, but I can't stop hating you as much as hating myself while missing you all at the same time. A strange mixture of emotions to be honest. None of them made me happy.

I don't like it; my wounds are half way into having me dead and I am thinking of the miserable. What a nice way to die on a battlefield when everyone around you is already into a deep, peaceful slumber.

It's not funny anymore, I find it weirdly amusing now. And because I do, I'm going to stop all the sad thoughts and start concentrating on you, Koltira Deathweaver, my first love, whom I never got to tell. The world around me will dissipate as I think of the moments we've shared together. Have them be angst, comforting, romantic or whatever. As long as it's you, I'm happy. God, isn't this ironic?

But whatever, while I'm still alive and breathing shallow, just waiting casually for my death to pass over me, I'm going to think of when…'


	2. -I Moment- I first saw You

It's difficult, or actually impossible, to forget or let go of the first moment of when you saw the person that you were destined to love later on in life. I was sure that neither of us were new to love while this feeling wouldn't pass as the most memorable one either when compared to your first love. Yet the both of us were okay with that, right?

In all my heart I hoped so.

The second my eyes met your form, I roughly dismissed you just as I would to another. I never had a relationship thing with anybody else after my transformation to a death knight. I've met more than a handful of men that I admired and looked up to, many that were also very attractive, physically. It just all changed when my powers changed; I didn't find anyone worth looking up to or admiring. It's no joke that I felt more dead than I initially were. I took orders from my captains or those of a higher rank, made a small name out of myself from countless battles and was overall neutral towards all, except for those obvious enemies.

I never counted you as anyone important, really, but that only lasted for the first few times I saw you. In all honesty, I felt absolutely nothing when I first saw you. It's plain looking back on it from hindsight. I am sure at the same time that you shared the same thoughts as me: just another person who might be on their backs the next day. Even though you were a very competent fighter, capable of defending yourself and not to mention that you were something close to that of a right-hand man to High lord Darion. I didn't care.

You were just another person who might be slain the day after, I didn't bother walking past you or greeting you although I should've if I didn't want to be the person that we both thought of. I grew cold and sort of despaired I guessed, not that hard to when you're living in the shadows with either gore or ice as your power. But then again, I was okay with that and you were too.

My memory would never fail me with this. The first moment I saw you, you were shouting at one of the newer recruits that just became one of us. Your voice dry and harsh but your words were somewhat even worse. It's like as if they were whipping down on the younger and inexperienced, leaving tattered trepidations behind. It left me an indifferent impression to you, a little bit leaning to the bad side, but like I said, I didn't care. I wasn't embarrassed either when I caught myself staring at you because of your supposed-punitive harangue, since I was sure that most of those words weren't even necessary, and you never caught me. I wasn't intrigued by you at all. I only thought of you as a tyrant in language and a soldier in action. You were infamous for it.

Did I say anything to you afterwards? No, no one would, perhaps not even Darion, as far as I'm concerned. You were the emblem of anger and impatience, a well-known fact that nobody denied, that I later grew knowledge of. It was my first time seeing you and part of me did tell myself that you were someone of significance, but I still brushed that aside as swiftly as I could. Because I told myself, no one is of greater importance than me even though I'm under command. If anyone were to be, in my eyes, I would've died a hundred times already.

I was sure that you thought that too.

How wrong I was when I later saw you protecting the new recruit from his own demise of summoning an untamed ghoul. Although I wasn't fazed by you in the least, that act of whatever it was surprised me.


	3. -II Moment- I nodded at You

I don't know what prompted me to do that, it just happened. Perhaps it could've been from the tense moment our eyes created when we made direct contact at each other through the gaze. Otherwise, I must've had a good day to knowingly nod a greeting to everyone I saw.

It was a walk in haste, as I had other errands to run from Lord Thorval to Darion, when I saw you. Grip white on your runeblade, Byfrost, and quite a sexy scowl on your face that screamed masculinity. No doubt the same recruit struck you gloom and annoyed with their own problems in wielding the power that made his ghoul attack him, or something similar to that. I was confused, but only by a little, when you decided to walk through the route I was taking. Acherus was definitely big enough for you to take other routes to get to your destination, so why?

This also lead me to one hell of a brain wrecking question that gets my hopes up higher than squealing fan-girls when I fell for you: Did you walk that way because of me?

It's only a yes or no question yet I knew I would've wanted more from you if you chose either answer.

You walked past me, I nodded at you in slight greeting with a somber expression (that I always had since I became a Death Knight) that bore less than a little smile and, astonishingly to myself, you dropped the scowl and nodded back. Eyes closing when you dipped your head down a few angles below; you wouldn't have lowered it any further since you were a superior, and I respected that. Anyhow, I was fazed when that happened, and my steps to where Darion stood became hastier. I thought I also saw fresh scars and scraps on the uncovered parts of your body when I dashed past you in walking, a closer look never harmed anyone when you all live under the same compound and shared the same fate.

If I heard correctly, you did in-fact _chuckle_ at whatever expression I wore later, bashful perhaps? That was embarrassing, not only because I nodded to a higher-up that probably made fun of me and that I showed emotion for it, also because I was stupid enough in the first place to even so much as glance at you longer than 2 seconds. And 2 seconds is actually quite long, depending on how you use it. Looking at Koltira Deathweaver with his handsome features, yeah, those 2 seconds felt like 2 hours, which didn't help me at all.

A weird feeling then cumulated in my gut, one that was warm and somewhat nice, although it contained an edge of unease to it. I liked it but was a familiar stranger to it at the same time. It felt like as if something that became dead was once again woken up inside of me. Affection? No, that was too much for what I experienced, even though I hardly remember one-tenth of that emotion. I was all right with that though, I was able to adapt quite quickly as a Death Knight anyway. This all happened when we were still in the grasp of the Lich King.

So that was what happened when I nodded at you, _I felt feelings again_.


	4. -III Moment- Our First Mission

From time to time, my stay in servitude to the Lich King before the release, I would be assigned to various missions in varying degrees of danger. I was never assigned to your rescue mission by Lieutenant-commander Thassarian, and most definitely regret turning the offer down when another stepped in to take care of it, if I knew I was to love you so. It was also insanely lucky of me when I hesitated on the answer and got away with it. I wasn't supposed to as a Death Knight but I still retained my own humane sanity. Thassarian asked me again whether I would like to accompany the other, I meekly shook my head in declination. That meekness and mild reluctance of fear has convinced the old man that I was perhaps not ready. He passively dismissed me and gave plans to the other Death Knight.

Was I glad to be saved from a possible death sentence.

Yet I regret it so much now; it would've been my second encounter with you (the first would be the time when I nodded at you). This is all I will ever think about in hindsight.

However, I was then still quite nerved when news came about to my ears that I was to go on a mission with you from the High lord. I didn't hyperventilate. I hyperventilated in my mind. This was Koltira Deathweaver we're talking about; one of the best Death Knights in the Ebon Blade! And I? Just a somebody who had the title of 'nobody'. God, were I rigid and fidgety when this was said.

I wasn't quite enamored, not even close, with what has been planned out for us, then. But I'd come to terms with the mission once the details were explained in the easiest way possible: Retrieve a letter from the Scarlet Stronghold. Kill people with a super strong comrade in tow, take the letter, and leave without having your ass whipped harshly; that was easy. Good rewards were involved, hell was I one to miss out on a chance like that. Just when I was being all gay and all satisfied, you came into the room and the thunder that took place outside had immediately shifted itself into the compound.

I had everything that were good turn into bad, the rain pouring at the back of my mind, a tornado whirling at the front of my mind. Yet my features displayed that of a bucket of dense confusion. Why were I fazed by you? Why were I the hell nervous in front of you; why did I want to fucking avoid you so fucking much?! What the hell were you to me?! My confusion slowly turned into frustration, my frustration quickly turned into anger, it was less than a second before my anger turned into an unexplainable rage. Yet when you looked at me in the eye…

The rain stopped to show the clear, the tornado blew itself the fuck away from the front, and everything turned from the bad to a strange, happy feeling. Boy was I freaked out by my own mind and sudden aggression to passivity. Maybe I should explain it all over again, starting with the confusion.

Was in confusion when you came into the room without even so much as a glance to me, while I was having a small turmoil with my own emotions to you. Was in frustration when your back was faced towards me and speaking to Thassarian casually about the mission he was offering to us, while I realized that I could not valiantly defeat the small turmoil that I created myself. Was in anger when I realized that the two of you were still talking, and that was honestly the sole reason for the it. And I've really come to despise myself for thinking of the stupid when I finally realized that I've curled my fists up in anger.

Yet, and I honestly mean it with all my heart, when you turned your head slightly to look at me from behind; I loved that look from your gaze. I was struck by the arrow that seemingly flew from your azure eyes in my mind. Your lips were still moving, no doubt reassuring Thassarian about the mission. If it weren't for the moment at hand, I would've thought that a certain homosexual activity had somehow crept into the atmosphere.

I was a little more thrilled and excited than I typically would be, that'd be none at all. Thoughts were delivered from my heart to my senses and throughout the rest of my body. That unspeakable truth of delight in my eyes that only you would not mistaken to see. Can I be even more sure to know that you've returned the slight gesture with a smirk or generous hint in your eyes? In no way would I forsaken what I've found when my eyes find themselves on you.

It was beyond my expectations, thus I didn't want to give myself the benefit of the doubt when I heard you say,

"...I'm grateful for this mission, brother,"


	5. -IV Moment- First Concersation

The feeling and chemistry was great, yet these assumptions were not supposed to be made with our situation at hand. The guards surrounding the stronghold were quite anxious for some reason, constantly pacing in an edgy beat; as if they were waiting for something to happen. They weren't the only ones however, my heart was anxious too. The beating was erratic. This was my first ever mission with Koltira fucking Deathweaver! God, I wanted to savour this moment for as long as I could (but I never knew that there were more moments to come).

We waited for some time in secret silence before I heard you grunt impatiently and charge, giving our positions behind the large, baffling vase right away.

A lot of shouts were heard that day in the stronghold. I guessed that those Scarlet Crusaders were waiting for revenge from you, and a gory revenge did you give to them.

The halls had either frosted or decayed by the time you finished your last victim. Retrieving the letter from the bloodied and roughly pushing it into my hands, you whipped your head away from the decapitated commander and walked coolly off.

It wasn't cool at all.

It was a disgusting pride.

And that day I hoped I didn't have to witness any of it. I grimly looked aside, disappointed without a clue.

"Death,"

You spoke to me suddenly when I thought you had walked off. My head perked up in curiosity at your back. All the previous emotions I had had been washed away when you spoke. What filled my head then was only curiosity and anticipation. I waited for you to continue.

"is the most innocent thing if you're selfish enough."

I stood dumbfounded. Why? Had you seen my puzzled and distraught expression to say those words? Were you comforting me in the face of death? I became silent and a little rigid from those words. I pondered for a bit before words once again struck the silence and smell of blood.

"It doesn't do you harm, it may even take the pain away. Death can release you from all-"

That was enough to take me out of my zone.

"And if you were living a happy life?"

I just had to intervene, it didn't sound right. You stopped when I boldly cut you off, stayed where you stood, body not moving an inch. I guessed that you were surprised, I guessed that you underestimated me. I didn't smirk or smile, I was serious and straightforward… On a topic that shouldn't even be discussed between Death Knights, better yet, a topic that no man would even think about discussing as long as they dwell in a never-peaceful planet called Azeroth. But the moment was strong, and I didn't believe in stopping on my point.

"And if you were living a happy and good life?"

"A lucky life?" You asked. I nodded, although I wasn't in your view and didn't know what you meant, "A life that treats you well without worries? And only luxuries?"

You were skeptical. Either that or you were too windup in your own theories.

"A life with a family..." You inhaled, "Then it would only take the pain that the future would give to you."

I couldn't say any more. In a weird sense, you were right. A life with a family was the best, doesn't matter how life itself treated you. As long as you had a family, nothing would fall under treachery or torture. At least that's what I thought and knew. But death came, it took away all my happiness, that's what killed me, even if I am breathing right now. The chemistry between us, I believe, became even greater. I felt I understood you in a way, and you understood me in what I was hoping for.

A family.

And I also hoped that you liked me more. No, I knew that you liked me more after this. The feelings that came to us were inevitable.

"Let's get back, time's not early."

I was dumbstruck. My nerves tingled with a sparkly delight. Was I in a trance or a dream? A dream in death? That's not possible. I didn't know what like was back then, but I liked it.

Because in all honesty, I couldn't speak as you grabbed my forearm and led me away.


End file.
